Kristen Elizabeth Stories

Psalm 62:5
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.  

I guess it feels like I have been quietly waiting before you for a really long time.  Waiting for what I really believed was your will.  I mean, isn't it true that your desire is that all who believe in you would know your love so deeply that their hearts change becoming more like you?

For thirty years I have prayed that you would heal the heart of the one I love; that you would protect the heart of the one I love from evil; that his heart would know your love more than he knows anything else; that your light would cut through his darkness; that your will in his heart would be done.  And yet, here I am thirty years later still praying these same things and his heart is even harder and so much darker than thirty years ago.  For thirty years, I have been the hopeless hoper who just wouldn't stop hoping and praying and still up to this very moment these prayers are seemingly unanswered.  I reason with myself and tell myself that maybe it's that your will is just going to take longer to happen in his heart than the already time gone by.  Or perhaps (and in many cases this seems to be true) it's that here on earth your will isn't done all the time even though we pray for it to be done just like you tell us to do.  Or maybe, me being human and all, I just have no idea about anything because your ways and thoughts are higher than mine.  

But today, something changed.  Nothing changed in him.  Something changed in me.  My innermost being saw that I was no longer waiting quietly before you.  Unknowingly, and ever so discretely, my hope in you made a despondent switch to my hope being in you changing him.  Fatigue, extreme exhaustion, long term sickness and a nervous system shaken and rattled to the core turned my cries to you into quite loud demands that you fix the heart of the one I love so I might be ok.  This is, indeed, an understandable reaction to have considering all my heart, body, and spirit have faced and been through with him, yet it is very wrong of me and I am so sorry.  

And so, I do still ask for healing for the heart of the one I love by you.  I still ask that you would restore me back to health once again.  I still ask that you would heal my daughter's heart.  But more than all of this . . .
                                     
                                    I just simply ask for You.

And quietly, once again, I wait before you, for my hope is in you.  

Thank you, Jesus.  Amen.